Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
