Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm always down for nudity.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
