Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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