Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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