Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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