I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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