....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
