I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
