You made me cry and you don't even care
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
