So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
