I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
