1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
