Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We left an ass print on the piano.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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