Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I cut my penus on the lid.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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