Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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