He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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