Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My feet surprised me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
