you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
