Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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