I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
