barbara walters just said penis...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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