So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
As shirtless as possible
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
