there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
