So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
