I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
