During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
