my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
