Say something about gay babies.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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