you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
