fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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