I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
