I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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