she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
