Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
