I will die if light touches me.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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