so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
