Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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