Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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