Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
