Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
