pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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