ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
