My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
