I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
