apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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