I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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