This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
