I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
