my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
only if we run a train.
done.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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