if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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