I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
