Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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