dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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